By Mumtaz Moosa Saley
There is a time in a girl’s life when the community ladies sit her down before she gets married and hand her the stupid guide to marriage. Yes, the guide makes you wonder who in their right mind ever took the advice of these women.
So today I have decided to attempt humor and give all the women out there some marriage advice from the aunties’ mouths to your ears (or eyes rather, since you are reading this), and then quantify it from the history of Islam.
1. Always dress well for your husband. This should be changed to always look good, you feel good and your confidence is boosted. Please, if you wear too much make up in public the same people who tell you this will judge you. The look you are trying to achieve here is something between homeless and Barbie.
2. Don’t pick up weight. If you do, your husband will leave you. Why? oh why can’t aunties tell the man this as well? Uncles you need to step up your game on this one and tell the groom to be the same. Beer bellies are not attractive, your kurta (thobe) and beard aren’t hiding them.
3. When your husband comes home from work hand him the TV remote and allow him to destress. Of course, you are allowing him to destress while you: a. bath the kids, b. cook dinner and c. possibly paint the house. After all he works all day, in an air an office on a comfy chair and you do absolutely nothing. (dear aunties, this needs to be the other way around). Let us not forget that the more steps his fit bit clocks in, the better his health and he can earn bragging rights at the office (and goodbye precious belly fat).
4. He provides for his family so don’t let the kids bother him as they are your responsibility, children should be seen not heard when he comes home from work. This one grates my cheese every time. Honestly who ever sat down and took advice like this seriously? Why, in this day and age, would we want to still give this kind of advice out?
Did you fall pregnant through immaculate conception? Did the stork bring the baby home? Is parenthood not based on an equal partnership?
Now for some real advice we should be giving to couples who are about to get married. Note that the advice is not restricted to just the bride, who by culture, is forced to be the one who changes to her husband’s needs?
1. Hawa A.S was created as a companion to Adam A.S, just as husband and wife are with that they should go forward in Seeking Allah pleasure and helping each other become better Muslims.
2. Our Nabi S.A.W helped with house work and in the home, the home not a woman thing but it gets down faster when you do it together. Yes, no one died from cleaning the house. A man will not. This simple sunnah is one that has been forgotten. Remember the Nabi of Allah had a job to spread the deen of Allah, yet to have a home filled with love and respect, he helped where he could. Trust me a small gesture goes along way.
3. Children are a blessing and they watch us as they grow, our habits become embedded in their souls. So, they need both parents to help create memories to allow them to thrive in a cold world. They need to be shown that love is a meaning not just a word. Spend time with them because you only given so many years before they find you old and boring.
Marriage is completing one’s deen. Not being a slave to another human, so let’s equip our boys and girls with beneficial advice to being the perfect spouse. What really needs to stop is the expectations of a perfect wife.
In Islam, the perfect marriage is the one in which the couples that help each other grow spiritually and emotionally.