Tales of the sisterhood
Diary entry #9: Qaysara
“I got married at 20 to the man of my choice. He was 23 when we got married,everything was perfect He was good to me, though we had our ups and downs like any marriage. 6 wonderful years passed and we had 2 beautiful kids alhamdullilah,I thanked Allah everyday for our wonderful home.
Then, in our 7th year, things started taking a turn for the worst. The blackberry made its appearance and things started going downhill.
My ex would sit on his phone all the time. He went from being the most patient father and husband to the complete opposite. He would get edgy and snappy with the kids and I if we tried to get his attention.
I would ask what it is he is doing on his phone, and he would say playing games or reading football news. At times, I would find him smirking at his phone and started getting paranoid but thought maybe he’s chatting to friends. I never ever thought he would be chatting to woman, I trusted him.
Then things started getting even worse. When visitors came he wouldn’t even come to speak to them, he’d be to busy on his phone. If we fought he wouldn’t even have time to think what he was doing to us because the phone entertained him. Our marriage was falling apart.
I would nag as he called it daily about him been addicted to his phone, but he saw otherwise.
In the 8th year of marriage things got even worse yet. He would hide his phone when he slept. He would never leave it unattended even whilst it was charging. In the middle of the night I would search for it whilst he slept, and it would be under his pillow.
The fights and screaming matches were becoming a daily routine. Our kids were getting used to it, it was like normal for them which wasn’t right.
He would tell me countless times he could not stand me, he didn’t want me as a wife and obviously I would retaliate with bad mouthing right back in defense. That became the norm.
We had a fight was on eid day, it was youmul jumu’ah also. He fought with me on eid day and I recall crying and asking Allah to take me away from this, everyone is happy on eid day and he was screaming at me and fighting with me. I even missed lunch with family which didn’t bother him in the least.
He may have not bothered but almighty Allah heard my cries and saw my tears. That Sunday, we had yet another argument in which he walked out and at the door, he uttered 3 talaaqs, and in a split second it was all over. Almost 9 years of my life had ended in a few seconds.
Then that very day a female “friend” called his father to say my ex is unstable and to watch he doesn’t do anything stupid to himself. I still didn’t think much of it because he tried finding out if we could get back together which all moulanas said will be forbidden.
Then 3 months later I hear he made nikkah. Whilst I’m trying to get over the hurt and pain, he makes nikkah, then 5 months later they expecting a child. I could not handle it.
To the world I looked fine, but it was hurting inside like crazy.
Then the 9 months passed and it was time for their baby to be born. I was beyond myself and begged Allah to send me a partner who will make it easier for me, who will be a good parent to my 2 kids and a pillar of strength for me and again Allah the Most Merciful heard my cries and answered my du’aa.
A month before my ex baby was born, the most calm, wonderful and caring man entered my life and 2 months later, we married and he helped me through all my pain and made me feel so at peace, that I forgave my ex and this woman for Allah loves those who forgive.
We are married 2 years and have an addition to our family, a little baby girl who completes us alhamdullilah.
May Allah keep our muhabbah, understanding and marriage bond strong, and may Allah keep us on the right path inshaaAllah.
My dear sisters who are in the same situation, don’t loose hope, Allah is there always, He hears and sees all our pain and remember, it is said in the quraan ‘verily with difficulty come ease’.
May Allah make keep us all well and remove all our difficulties inshaaAllah.”
Tales of the sisterhood